Life in the mission field is full of sacrifices. Over the years, we have had our fair share, but we count them as nothing compared to the sacrifice Jesus made for each one of us and the people we serve. One of the hardest sacrifices for us has been the constant moving, leaving behind friends and family, and now living far from our sons. With our oldest daughter in high school and our youngest not too far behind, Hannah and I started talking about the limited number of years we have before all the kids are living their own adventures. We prayed, we sought counsel and we wrestled with the thought of moving once again.
To say that we have moved a lot over the last 14 years would be an understatement. If you have been following our journey from the beginning, then you know that we left the mountains of North Carolina for Virginia, Michigan, the Middle East and lastly the Philippines. We have slept in countless beds and lived in at least 10 different homes. Well, over the last several months God has not only made it clear to us that moving back to the States to continue our field-director work from the AFM home office is the right decision for our family, He has been blessing it immensely.
Our daughter Dana loves to read and write. So we asked her to write an article about what it has been like for her through the years. As you will see, our introverted, musical, artistic and athletic girl had a lot of bottled-up emotion:
Being a third-culture kid (TCK) comes with a lot of baggage, and not just the kind you take with you on a plane. One of the biggest challenges I have faced growing up as a TCK is moving from place to place. At first, you might think that it would be really cool to jump around, make new friends and see new places. But most of it is not like that at all. To me, moving means saying goodbye. Relocating. Once again having to settle down. And for what? To move again in a year or two? Every time our family moved, I felt frustrated, confused and sad. Of course, we talked about the moves and why it had to be so. But those feelings never went away. Over time, as I made new friends and got used to the new environment, those emotions buried themselves inside me, only to be let out again when the same thing happened. As you might imagine, I developed a sense of anger toward my parents and God for doing this to me. “Why are they making me do this thing over and over again?” I would wonder.
My hunch is that if you asked other TCKs, and they replied honestly, they would probably say the same thing. But something amazing happened to me one Sabbath a few months ago when I came to realize that I wasn’t alone.
The previous day, Friday, we had been talking about the pros and cons of moving back to the U.S. When I woke up Sabbath morning, those painful emotions reared up again. I was so upset that I didn’t even want to be in church. So I took a walk in the prayer garden at AIIAS. Not thinking that my parents would worry about where I was, I sat down and got lost in my thoughts.
It wasn’t long before my dad came looking for me. “What’s wrong, Honey? Why are you upset?” he asked.
I remember sitting there, trying to think of the words to describe how I was feeling. But there weren’t any. I had nothing. When I didn’t answer, he started to talk about how he was feeling about the upcoming move. “I am worried, too. It’s okay to be scared. This is a big change for us. I know it is hard, Sweetheart, but we are going to get through it. We always do.”
I still couldn’t speak. To tell you the truth, I was scared to open up; to let someone in. I didn’t realize that my whole family was going through the same thing I was.
“Dana, talk to me,” My dad said.
It was then, at that moment, that everything came out. “I’m afraid of starting all over again, of having to get used to another culture,” I cried.
My dad put an arm around me, and we just sat there for a while. You know what? For the first time, I felt good. I felt free. That tangled-up mess of horrible feelings was gone. I finally realized that I had my siblings, parents and friends who were all there, ready to talk with me, to comfort me and to pray with me. All I had to do was open up and let them know how I was feeling.
You know, Jesus was a traveler. He went from place to place teaching those around Him that He was their savior and their only hope of salvation. God knew that Jesus, the Son He loved more than anything, would go through a world of suffering. And as missionaries, my parents knew that it was going to be difficult for all of us. It’s just one sacrifice we’ve made to spread the gospel. And when I think of our Savior and all the things He has sacrificed for me, the anger and frustration of moving so much just fades away.
When we first read Dana’s story, we just cried. But then we felt relieved that she was able to process those feelings and find peace.
By the time you read this article we will have just arrived in Michigan. We are blessed to work with an organization that supports our decision, and we are excited to continue working as AFM field directors—missionaries to the missionaries. Please pray that we can find a nice church where the girls can settle in and make lifelong friends, and that we can redeem some of the time we have lost with our oldest son who has been on his own for the last several years. We may not be living overseas for the time being, but this spiritual journey and the ministry to which we have been called will continue. Thanks for being a part of it all these years!
