“So, you’re going to Turkey—are you excited?” I should start counting how many times I hear this. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s the most common conversation starter when meeting someone who’s about to go through a major positive life change. Or, “So you’re going to Turkey?” and I answer sort of inanely, “Yes! We’re… really… excited.” Which isn’t exactly true, and why I don’t always know how to answer when someone asks the first question, “Are you excited?”
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not, er, UN-excited, if I can use such a word. I’m not afraid or in dread. I feel quite positive. But this is huge, and my feelings about it are sometimes complex. If broke it down I might be able to answer a little better, “Are you looking forward to meeting new people? Learning a new language? Seeing a beautiful country? Getting inside the minds of a different culture of people?” Yes, yes, YES! I am! “Are you sad about leaving your family? Do you feel bad your mother won’t get to watch her grandsons grow up? Will you miss home?” Yes, yes, oh Dear God, yes! “Do you think you’re up to the challenge of representing Jesus in a secular Muslim culture? Do you think you know all the answers to the questions that might come up? Do you have your life all together, and are you a good enough Christian for this?” Ah, no, not that. I mean, on my own, definitely not. I’m so thankful Jesus has promised to do the heavy work, as long as I am faithful.
Am I excited? No, I can’t say excitement is really the emotion I’m experiencing. I’m not going to Disneyland, or even on a ten-day mission trip to build a church, eat catered local food, and take a fun tour. I’m making a life commitment here. I’m not excited. But I’m in, I’m open, I’m growing. I’m looking forward to it.
