In November, I traveled from Thailand to India to visit and encourage the believers in Darjeeling. One of the main reasons for my trip was to help mediate a conflict that had arisen between two brothers in the church. The conflict had been festering for more than two months, and the relationship had become so toxic that they were not even speaking to each other anymore. Their damaged relationship was also beginning to negatively influence the rest of the church body. I had scheduled just over a week for my visit, hoping and praying that I would have enough time to help these two men repair what had been broken.
Just before I left for India, a friend shared the following advice with me. “Remember,” he said, “The quieter you become, the more you’re able to hear.” As the plane carried me closer to my destination, I repeatedly asked God to quiet my soul so I would be able to hear.
Before my visit, I had been reading a book entitled The Lost Art of Listening. It was providential that I chose that book, because after spending time with each of the two brothers separately, asking questions, listening and trying to understand their frustrations, I realized that their conflict stemmed from the fact that they weren’t really listening to each other. The author of the book, Dr. Michael Nichols, writes that, “Real listening means imagining yourself into the other’s experience.” The two men had wounded each other with their words and actions, both real and imagined, and they both felt it would be impossible to reestablish the trust they once shared. They both felt disrespected and devalued by the other, but they weren’t thinking about how the other one might be feeling. They couldn’t see past their own hurt and anger.
During my time with the two brothers, I repeatedly asked them to try to imagine how the situation must look and feel from the other person’s perspective. When they began to do this, they became much more empathetic towards each other. As the Spirit moved, I could see the wall of mistrust between them crumbling. More than once, they both said, “I hadn’t thought about how he must have felt. Now I can understand.” And, after many difficult conversations, they both were able to willingly forgive each other and learn to trust each other once again. At the end of our time together, I watched them take turns washing each other’s feet, reaffirming their commitment to serve and support one another. “How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!” (Ps. 133:1).
Special Update
Dikee, the Nepali girl who lived with us during our last two and a half years in Darjeeling, is starting classes this month at Asia-Pacific International University in Thailand. As you may remember, Dikee came to live with us after running away from an abusive situation in the home where she worked as a maid for nearly 10 years. After coming to our home, she started attending church. It wasn’t long before she came to realize how much Jesus loved her, and she gave her life to Him.
After graduating from high school in 2011, Dikee immediately started her college studies. However, her annual exams kept being scheduled on Sabbath, so she failed her first year of college three years in a row. Dikee was disappointed but stayed committed to obeying God and following His Sabbath commandment.
God didn’t forget about Dikee. Through the financial support of her family and friends in the United States, Dikee will be able to attend our Seventh-day Adventist University in Thailand where she won’t have to choose between following God and pursuing academic success.
Now, at age 25, the young girl from a small village in the Himalayan foothills has matured into a strong Christian woman. Please continue to lift her up in prayer as she sets out on this new path.
