“Western society assumes that psychological suffering is abnormal. It is seen as a weakness or illness, a product of a mind that is somehow faulty or defective. This means that when we do inevitably experience painful thoughts and feelings, we are often ashamed or embarrassed about it, or we criticize ourselves for being weak, silly, or immature.”
(From The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris)
“My siblings and I were abused regularly by my father, and my mother told me that we were not allowed to talk about it.”
“I beat my sons with a wooden ruler whenever they made a mistake on their homework.”
“My mother would beat me with a tree branch whenever she thought I was being naughty. She never really told me what I had done wrong.”
These are just a few of many true stories we have heard from our Isan Thai friends about their childhoods. Sadly, many young people and adults here in northeast Thailand have had similar experiences of abuse from caregivers, teachers and religious leaders in their communities.
There is a proverb in Thai culture that says, “If you love your buffalo, you tie it up securely. If you love your child, you beat them.” This old saying is similar to the way that Western Christianity misinterprets the biblical proverb about “sparing the rod and spoiling the child” in order to justify physical punishment as a means of gaining compliance. In both contexts, the result is the same. The shame of not being able to appropriately process the emotions surrounding the physical abuse as a child, when they were powerless to resist, leaves them angry and afraid as adults, deeply wounded and emotionally blocked.
As we work to develop Isan Thai leaders who will catalyze a church-planting movement, we are committed to investing in our shared social and emotional growth and healing from traumatic childhood experiences. We want to be leaders who truly love ourselves and others. We want to be leaders who are able to understand how others are feeling and how our words and actions impact those around us. As leaders desiring to lead like Jesus, we must grow our capacity for empathy. And nothing kills empathy like shame.
“All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes. My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away” (Psalm 38:9-11 NIV).
Please continue to pray for our team as we work to normalize social dialogue around our thoughts and feelings, especially painful ones, among the Isan Thai people. We want them to know that real strength comes when we learn to hold space for our feelings and the feelings of others. We want them to live free and able to express their full humanity just as God desires.
