A good writer carries the reader along in the emotion of a story. A good mission story describes a true experience that not only carries the reader along emotionally but also challenges, inspires and uplifts them. Although I do not claim to be a good writer, I do aim to be one. And herein lies the problem today.
As I prepared to write our AF article this month, I considered a number of stories I could tell, but I ended up discarding them all. I want my stories to challenge, inspire and uplift, and I prefer to avoid stories that don’t have a happy ending, or don’t even have an ending yet, or stories that focus on the dark side of this spiritual controversy all of us are in, or stories that highlight my own weakness of faith or character. And yet, what is more real than the vicissitudes of life and character—things that challenge our faith? What shows God’s omnipresence, omnipotence and omniscience better than coming face to face with these realities and finding in the end that God is Who He says He is? His promises really are true, and His arms enfold me, no matter my weakness, numbness, doubt or failure.
Sometimes on a DVD menu there is an option to see scenes that were deleted for one reason or another. Sometimes they are interesting and funny, but often I find them inane. At the risk of also appearing senseless, I’d like to share with you some clips of the behind-the-scenes stories that didn’t make it into the final cut for various reasons.
Too stark:
The baby that was refused admission to the tertiary hospital and died of probable TB/meningitis.
The death of my Palawano sister Lukin during my time in America. She longed for heaven where she will walk and run again.
Too short:
The woman possessed by an unclean spirit who found deliverance within a couple of days.
Too real:
The theatrics of exhausted staff grating on each other’s nerves, and the God of love teaching forgiveness and forbearance.
No ending yet:
The ins and outs of dealing with government regulations that rarely fit our situation but must somehow be met. Stories of education officials with thinly veiled motives who do little more than set up our students for failure. And yet God shines through.
The story of the birth of our newest grandson, Alexander Lucas (I call him Xander-Lu), here in the States and the ensuing interminable wait that Jilin and I have endured while the mixups on his birth certificate are sorted out. This is also the story of a young mother not only away from her husband for many months but also separated from her other two young children, one of whom is severely handicapped.
I could tell about my frustration at being away from my husband again. Our furlough started with almost two months of separation when he came to the U.S. ahead of me. Now we are separated again because Jilin needs help processing passport documents for baby Xander.
That storyline continues with the difficulty of closing one school year and preparing for another while being so far away, complicated by staff turnover and new government requirements.
I could talk about how the standardized tests, poorly designed anyway, are particularly not geared to the tribal students. “Which of the following would describe cyber-bullying?” Our students are just getting a handle on what a computer is and have no idea how someone could be bullied with one.
Not her grandkids again!
Stories about my grandchildren: the cute things they say and do; the memories we’ve been making together; the amazing blossoming minds of pre-teen grandchildren and how blessed I feel to have time to interact with them.
Too personal:
The times of questioning. I like to have a plan and work on it. But when I don’t know God’s plan, I sometimes flounder and wonder where I fit in. “God, I’m really struggling with this extended stay in the U.S. while so much crucial work needs to be done at our mission post. Do You not need me after all?”
When time seems to stand still:
Though it wouldn’t be a fun read, a whole book could be written about the times when it seems like our mission is advancing through cold molasses. People we thought were open to the gospel suddenly turn away. Staff we task with key ministries prove unreliable. Parts needed for equipment and vehicles are unobtainable. Illness attacks and steals our strength, slowing everything down.
Sensitive Subjects:
Some stories I can’t share because I don’t want to implicate or criticize people. Other stories would be too politically sensitive, involving corrupt officials, soldiers or rebel forces.
Too hard to explain to someone who wasn’t there:
“Wasn’t that the day that we were out digging a grave and got a call from Napthali that the roof of the main building where we were holding campmeeting was caving in on everyone inside because of the weight of the rain?”
There are stories that are meaningful to me and show that God is in control, but I cannot necessarily communicate the depth of that meaningfulness. There are also stories that were so traumatic that we can’t tell them yet. Then there are the funny stories I can’t tell because they would embarrass someone, especially some of the hilariously funny language bloopers that are only really funny if you know Palawano.
Personal weakness or failures:
Waking up in the morning and praying for a miracle within myself, and God giving the strength and courage to go on. Finding again that He does still answer prayer.
Stories of embarrassing personal failure. Or the times we felt like failures because the results we were hoping for were not happening in the timeframe we thought they would. Other times when fear of failure nearly paralyzed us until we rediscovered that God is the One who succeeds, and our job is just to remain in Him.
The miracles:
There are wonderful stories we somehow can’t tell yet:
God holding back the rain for a week during rainy season so that a building project could proceed.
The times we could palpably sense the Holy Spirit breaking though.
The times God gloriously vindicated His work among the Palawano.
The miraculous results from the standardized tests!
I just received word that the Xander’s birth certificate will be mailed this week or early next week! Now all Jilin and I need are a U.S. and a Philippine passport for him, and we will head back to our husbands.
Every one of us is living a story and writing a new chapter every day. We don’t know the ending, but by faith we know that God is working all things together for good. In heaven someday, when we read it in full, that will be the most captivating story of all.
