A young couple walks home arm in arm in the night; the man weighed down with heavy bags. Suddenly, as they walk through a dark alley, an Albanian man hurries toward them. Instinctively, the young man places himself between his wife and the approaching stranger. Then he sees the smile on the face of the old man, who takes his hand in both of his and raises it to his lips in a gesture of deep admiration. “You are a true gentleman!” the old man says dramatically before disappearing back into the night. “May God’s blessing be upon you!”

My oldest daughter and son-in-law told me about this experience they’d had as we were discussing cultural values versus cultural norms. We agreed that while it is important for us to understand and partake in Albanian culture, it would be a mistake to conform to any cultural practices or attitudes that don’t reflect love and care for others.

Since the fall of man, selfishness has been the norm in every country on the earth, but somehow God has preserved a universal longing for the unselfish love that is His character. It is our privilege and yours to bring glory to God’s name by revealing to people the truth about Him and His love for them. When we understand something about the depth of God’s unselfish love for every person, we are irresistibly drawn to Him. That’s why Jesus said, “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me” (John 12:32). We are all drawn to love.

Courtesy is a way of showing people you value them. Albanians are known for their beautiful courtesy and hospitality toward guests. We have much to learn from Albanians when it comes to entertaining strangers. However, Albanian men are not generally known for their courtesy toward women. In Albania, it is expected that the women serve the men. It isn’t uncommon here to see a woman carrying a heavy load while her husband walks in front of her empty-handed. There are of course exceptions to these values, (likely the reason for the old man’s surprising reaction in the dark alley.) But this has become an accepted Albanian norm. Should we attempt to fit in with this aspect of the culture in order to better gain acceptance? How did Jesus treat women, Samaritans, the poor, lepers and others who were oppressed in His culture? The fact is, Jesus was very counter-cultural when it came to loving others.

There have been times here in Albania when our counter-cultural behavior ended up being a witness for Christ. One day a couple of women were visiting our home. While I chatted with them, Sean disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he brought out a beautiful fruit platter and some juice. One of our visitors especially was astounded. Apparently, she had never seen a man serve women. She was clearly moved by Sean’s small courtesy and remarked later that she felt such a strong presence of God in our home. She told many others about her experience and made it a point to bring her husband with her the next time she visited! In some cases, being counter-cultural is the right choice.

It can be a delicate balance to learn how to care for those who don’t know the love of Jesus. It is a challenge to maintaining standards while not putting up barriers that isolate us from people. Jesus mingled with sinners. He showed love to people the religious leaders had shunned. He was friendly with them and won their confidence before inviting them to follow Him.

The bottom line is actually very simple: “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Gal. 5:14).

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