“If we were in Georgia right now, I would have to refuse you at least twice before I taste this pie,” our friend confessed jokingly.

We were happy to spend as much time as possible with our Georgian friends living in the States while we were on furlough. The friendship, advice and cultural guidance they offered us were priceless.

“Why? Why would anyone refuse something they really want?” I asked, realizing the lump in my throat was not the pie but fear slowly creeping up on me again – fear of not being adequate.

“It is the custom,” he answered, amused. “I would have to keep saying no while you keep insisting . . . until I cave. That is the polite way for both of us.”
I sighed. Everything sounds so complicated! I would have found the custom funny if that had not been about Georgia, our country now. We might have been oblivious to the unwritten rules for quite some time.

The wheels in my head slowly began moving. I recalled when I needed help clearing and cleaning our apartment before moving and how our neighbor’s maid graciously agreed to help.

“So does this mean that when the cleaning lady refused to take my payment and I had to practically chase her down the hallway and force-pay her, she was actually expecting me to do that?” I asked our friend.

“Of course,” came the reply. “You did well not taking no for an answer. That is precisely what you should do. If the maid said she did not want your money, that is a good sign, meaning that she considers you a friend. You basically forced her to receive payment, which makes it all okay and honorable. She did not have a choice but to get paid. This way, you are maintaining both relationships: the friendly one and the business one.”

I could feel my head spinning.

“What if I had not insisted?” I asked.

“Then, the next time you invited her to help you clean, she would find a reason not to come. She would know she would not get paid, but she would try to sugarcoat it for you and give all kinds of random reasons,” our friend explained.

Chris and I locked eyes and simultaneously concluded, “We still have so much to learn!” There was a hint of discouragement in the air. Re-launching might come with a second dose of culture shock. Why was no one telling us these things instead of expecting us to act appropriately to the culture?

Our friend then explained how lending someone money means you will never see it again. That person, though, will be forever indebted to you and always at your call when you need a favor. If you ask for your money back (apparently a huge no-no), you might receive it, but the friendship will essentially be over.

There was more. When you want to get someone to do something, like stop parking in your spot, you never say that directly, which would mean shaming them. Instead, you go to a good friend of theirs and hint at your wish, which will eventually get to the right person. The list goes on: do not expect people to be on time, never insult a host by not eating their food, don’t call anyone before 11 a.m. and so on. We were so thankful for having an ‘insider’ give us all these tips so we would not have to learn them the hard way, as we did with so many others.

Cultural norms can get quite complicated in some parts of the world. Navigating them is not a breeze, even after a few years in the field. However, the experiences enrich and help us see the world through other people’s eyes.

As we adjust to our adoptive country once again – hopefully, quicker than the first time – we pray that God will continue growing our relationships and bless all our new interactions. Our cultures might be fundamentally different, but our Father is still the same for all. We are so happy He wants to meet us where we are. Is not that something worth celebrating?

• Twitter