*this is a repost from a note I wrote on Sept. 2

“If I were you, I’d be sick of goodbyes. Aren’t you tired of saying goodbye? You’re only gone for a school year, like – what is that, 9 months?”

Don’t let the tough act fool you, give it 1.5 hrs later, my cousin gave a short goodbye as she began to choke up and tear, and ran away before her emotions ran away…

Saying goodbye is tough – each one feels like it is breaking a piece of my heart off…because each person has that individual tie to you. Like I’m a dingy tied to shore by hundreds of ropes, and slowly, I am cutting each tie preparing to set adrift…

In all this, I caught a taste of why it was so impertinent for Jesus to leave and say goodbye to His disciples.

I remember imagining what it must have been to be like one of those disciples, trying to savor those last few moments before Jesus ascended. I would have been foremost for wanting so bad for Him not too leave, and with tears in my eyes watching Him until He could no longer be seen. I would have been one of the reasons the angel said, “Why do you gaze up into the sky?” Most likely in my mind, questions like, “Why do you have to leave? What am I going to do without your comfort, guidance, and leading? Who am I going to experience life with and learn from now? Who is going to help bear my burdens? Why are you leaving me?” would be fighting their way to conscious thought.

And to answer all those questions – Jesus must leave, so that He could send the Holy Spirit.

As I have been preparing to leave, never have I ever felt so helplessly human in being able to express to all these people I care about how much I have valued their friendship. I cannot be everywhere at once, I have obligations to meet, and it breaks my heart that I have to break promises to people that I had promised the gift of time to.

Yes, I will make new friends, but not one new friend could ever replace the individually, unique, distinct friendships I have currently. I wish I had a day to set aside for each person who has meant so much to me – so that I could just at least give each person an idea of their value to me.

Now expand that to an entire world at the center of a heart of infinite love, and I might be hitting a few right notes about the experience of Jesus. To each disciple and follower Jesus has this unique relationship, but in His human state, He just could not provide the time and presence.

Enter in the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit would give Jesus the ability to connect and abide with each follower; provide the necessary Presence; give that disciple as much time as he needed and wanted from Jesus.

Goodbyes can be painful…but may it drive all of us to rely on the Spirit. For the Holy Spirit is really the only reason that the people I love to spend time with, are likeable to my heart. My own heart has a natural bent toward selfishness and self-preservation.

Yea, I’m tired of saying goodbyes, and it’s why these temporary ones are done so that soon, oh so soon, we can be reconciled completely with God, and be known as we are all known – and the goodbyes will be done, and that pain of separation will no longer be a reality. 

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