If you have ever waded through a bog and felt the drag on your feet, you know how mission work often feels. The biggest challenges of my life here in Palawan have come during these bog-slogging periods, when I went against my feelings and relied solely on faith in God.
I recently went through a heart-wrenching situation. For many years, we have invested ourselves sacrificially in the Palawano people. Some days, the sacrifice seems small in comparison with the joys of seeing lives changed. Other days—or weeks or months—it’s hard to see that we’re making any difference.
One of our goals is to mentor local leaders in the various parts of our mission; leaders who live victorious lives and fully embrace God’s leading. Sometimes we feel very hopeful and joyful as we see our leaders developing. Other times, we wonder what is really going on.
For several weeks we had been holding Sabbath-afternoon revival meetings in preparation for long-term planning and matching people with church roles. The meetings had been encouraging. Confessions had been made, and relationships had been healed. During visits in some members’ homes, we saw signs of independent thought and the work of the Holy Spirit on their hearts, drawing them into active church participation. Other visits were less encouraging. Some members told us they were “resting” and would not be taking any church offices this year. This saddened me. These “rest” periods often last years and usually indicate declining faith.
So we looked forward to the next-to-last meeting with some apprehension. Would others join the bandwagon and leave the work for someone else?
As it turned out, the meeting itself went okay. The leaders were voted into their positions, but the members had few suggestions to fill the vacancies. As I was about to close the meeting, an influential member who has been “resting” for the last several years stood up and made it publicly known that he was refusing to accept any position. Immediately, other men followed his example. I was flabbergasted! These were the very leaders we had been training for years, and now they were refusing to lead. They even made light of their own weakness for gambling and betting on volleyball games and joked about being referred to as “Pastor Bola” (Pastor Volleyball). Many people laughed. I felt sick.
Then, one by one, several of these men started complaining about various things that irritated them about Kent and me. Kent wasn’t there, so I became the target of their verbal stoning. Nothing I said by way of explanation, nothing our daughter Bubit said in our defense made the least impression on these men. With tears, I pled with them to open their eyes and see where this attitude and these actions would take them, and where it would take the church. But they persisted. I went home from the meeting with a bruised and battered heart, but I refused to be broken. With many tears and much prayer and study that night, I found peace and courage. “Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.” “The battle belongs to the Lord.” “Okay, Lord,” I prayed, “I will make no defense. These accusations are groundless. I rest my case on You and will wait to see how You will glorify Yourself.”
The following day, Bubit was heading up a parent/teacher meeting, and I was busy at the clinic. Since we had a hunch things would go the same way in the school meeting, Bubit and I agreed that I would not go to the meeting. Sure enough, during the meeting, the attacks began again, this time with community non-believers in attendance as well. Bubit pled with them to work with her and help support the school, but the vocal men said they would not. She told them, “I cannot run this school for your children by myself. If you do not want to help, I will not be able to teach.” She left that meeting certain the school would close, at least until the parents woke up to their need to be a part of it. I told her that even though it seemed everyone supported the negative talkers, surely many felt differently in private. I asked her to talk with one of our dependable male teachers who had appeared to agree with the others.
When the teacher came to talk with Bubit, several of the other naysayers came with him. Bubit decided to talk straight to the teacher even though the others were present. When she shifted her attention to the other men, they admitted that they had already been talking about how they had not done right in the meetings.
When Bubit called me out of the clinic late that afternoon and told me there were people to see me on the front porch, I admit that, in my humanity, I did not want to face them. I expected they would have more criticism, and I was still smarting.
But I also knew that I serve an awesomely powerful God who can change hearts and minds in the twinkling of an eye. I had imagined it could take weeks or months before these men would humble themselves and be willing to take up the work wholeheartedly, but here they were, and it hadn’t even been 24 hours! They came forward, trembling with nervousness, teary-eyed and deeply apologetic about how wrong they had been in their prideful ways and what they had said to me. They were truly ready to embrace the Lord’s work alongside us. I told them how I had been tempted to quit, that there was no point to my efforts all these years if there were no leaders to take up the work.
One man said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. You can quit if you want to, but I don’t want you to! Please, I hope you can forgive me.” Of course I forgave them one by one as they made confession. Afterward, when we sat down to talk together, I mentioned to them that they had the following Sabbath to try to make things right with the church. We would leave the entire church service up to them, as we already had plans to take our exhausted missionary staff out of the mountains for the weekend. They were very concerned that we might not come back, and they assured us that they very much wanted us back. They agreed to take the service and were hopeful they could turn things around. I still had doubts until I heard their prayers. My heart was broken anew as I heard them pleading with God for new hearts; for genuine victory over sin and to talk victory, not failure!
I very much want to see the outcome of this painful experience. Will these men really take hold of the victory over sin and temptation that Christ offers them? Will they wholeheartedly throw themselves into reaching their families and community? Are they really willing to leave behind their pride and embrace the change God wants to work in them and through them?
What I do know is that the work of the Holy Spirit is much more thorough than anything we can do. He worked so quickly to change their hearts in this situation and in the ensuing days. One of the men cleaned his house and threw away CDs and DVDs he knew were dragging him down. That Wednesday, he did not go to his parents’ village where he conducts business and often plays volleyball and cards. To me, that was a real sign of change and taking hold of victory.
Another man excitedly praised God for victory in his own life as he stayed away from the market where he so often gambled. Many of the others are cheerfully meeting each week to talk about how they can help their church mature. I praise God and pray that this leadership revival will bring forth a Palawano church that can genuinely support its daughter churches.
Life’s mountaintop experiences are so much sweeter when you have just come through a bog!
