“But Lord, we are here for You! We are Your children, acting on Your commission, going forward through Your power. Why are we so harassed by Satan?”
My mind raced through a thousand thoughts as I tightly held my six-year-old daughter, who was in a lot of pain. It all started on our way to Thailand to visit the Ubon and Khon Kaen projects with Marius, the Romanian Union Director for Family Ministry and Ministerial Association. It was probably the most brutal trip we have ever taken, and it was not a short one.
Twenty-seven hours later, after countless trips to all the restrooms we could find in four airports, things only seemed to worsen. My husband had his first fever in 11 years, I had pain in muscles I never knew existed, and Sarah lost weight before our eyes. Though the hotel room gave us more privacy, getting some rest was out of the question for several days. Watching our daughter suffer without being able to relieve any of the pain felt like a bad dream. But it was real, so real that it physically hurt us.
“You know this year feels like last year on steroids,” I continued my plea to the Lord. “We were exhausted even without being sick, and now this is happening at the worst moment and place.” All I heard was silence. In my mind, I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, being a missionary always comes with being a target for Satan’s attacks. But in the heat of the moment, it felt so personal when Sarah was involved.
For hours and hours, I prayed for deliverance — from pain, harassment and agitation. And then, while the visible evidence of an answered prayer delayed appearing, a thought broke the silence swallowing all my previous requests. “Why don’t you pray for more faith? For that kind of faith that trusts no matter the answer.”
I cringed at the thought of “no matter the answer.” But I knew the Voice was right. I am always willing to trust anything to God as long as it goes well. I know to leave many of the results with Him, knowing that He is faithful and always brings to completion everything that is part of His plan. But I struggle with having peace when things go wrong. I know I am a fixer — if something is not in place, I tirelessly work until we are back on track; if I have to work extra hours, I do it happily, knowing that I will feel rewarded by the results; if an opportunity arises, I never say “no” for fear of having something go wrong just because I didn’t take the chance. And when I lose all control, history shows that I also tend to lose my peace.
“How many times do I need to be reminded of this, Lord?” I asked while connecting the dots. “I should know better. I am never in control, and You have proven to be worthy so many times before.” My mind suddenly remembered all the times when God did the impossible for us and through us. The story of becoming missionaries, starting the AFM Europe office and navigating through all the challenges that came with it gave me countless reasons not to doubt God’s plan. Yet my prayers were all about us.
Being in Thailand reminded me of what it means to be on the enemy’s territory. Shrines, temples, idols and many other similar things seemed to stare us in the eye everywhere we went. I knew that Satan would do anything to defend every piece of his immersed-in-darkness territory. So after being reminded of God’s leading, I prayed more intensely every day, asking for the peace that comes from knowing and following the Author of light.
Relief was not instant, but peace settled in as soon as I chose to trust His will no matter how things turned out. We took Sarah to the hospital and learned that she had viral gastroenteritis. The medical staff recommended we keep her hydrated until it went away. Sarah did get better, and after six days, she was back on her feet. After that week under fire, we were able to breathe again. However, this experience made me remember what we ask of the missionaries we send. We ask them to step on the enemy’s territory. And the battle is real, strong and scary at times. Satan will not give up without a fight, and the spiritual war makes more victims than any other war on this sinful planet.
As you read this, pray for our missionaries. Pray for our offices around the world. Pray for God’s power and peace to prevail over the schemes and attacks of the evil one. And join us on the battlefield, fighting in the only war you can enlist in while knowing the final outcome. As the psalmist said, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26).
