The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
Lord, actually I want a lot right now. I want joy and peace, and I need some rest and some friends—real, truthful friends.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
It is true, You’ve always provided for our basic needs. I never have to worry about food. But what about water and electricity? For five years we have been struggling with both, and the people we depend on are humiliating us and causing us trouble.
He restores my soul.
But Lord, why do my worship times often feel so empty? Why do my batteries not recharge when I’m in Your presence? What is missing? I know it’s not You, so what is missing in me?
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Most of the time I can’t see Your leading. I feel that the direction I’m going right now is not very efficient. I desperately need a reassessment of where I’m heading.
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.
I’m not scared. I’m just wondering how long this darkness will last until You break through with Your light.
For thou art with me.
I know You are there. My mind and Your word tell me so. But it sure would be nice to feel Your presence right now.
Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.
Your comfort doesn’t reach me right now, and it feels more like punishment. But what for, Lord? What are You trying to tell me? What are You trying to correct? What do You want me to change?
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
I’m afraid that will only make them more jealous and resentful than they already are. I didn’t even realize we had enemies until recently. But now I am painfully aware. You have blessed us and guided us in a way that is wrong in their eyes. They think they should receive these blessings, not us or other people to whom we extend Your blessings. They misunderstand our motives and bend the truth to make us look bad in the eyes of many people. And I don’t even get a chance to explain myself.
Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup overflows.
My cup is as empty as it can be right now. I’m broken, and I’m tired. I know You brought me to this point for a reason. Is it in my brokenness that You can really glorify Your name? But for how long do I need to be broken before You fill me and build me up to what You want me to be?
Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Your mercy keeps me moving forward and not despairing completely, and I know that an eternal home in Your presence is waiting for me. Please give me the strength to continue the journey, to continue the work until I finally get there and can see it all from Your perspective!
Amen.
Please pray for us frontline workers. We are more often frustrated, discouraged and depressed than we tell you. We often feel lonely, misunderstood, betrayed, rejected and taken advantage of. We sometimes doubt our calling, we wonder if we are going in the right direction, and we question if we are actually achieving anything for our Lord. In the meantime, we ruin our health and sacrifice relationships with friends and family back home.
While this is certainly not a condition we are in all the time, each and every missionary in this magazine goes through dark periods every now and then. That’s why we need your prayers and your moral support. Thank you!
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint” (Isa. 40:28-31).
